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Devious Journal Entry
3 min read
Ten years is a real marker for this page. It was the start of my internet journey. I got really nostalgic and decided to hop back onto this site. I recently showed my cousin who’s 13 years old my art and fanfiction that I posted here when I was 12. I wanted to show her that I started around her age too and connect with her on that level. And then I realized.
I started this account when I was 12.
Yes, a 12 year old who did not know better, because the internet was a new, exciting place where I could express myself when I lived in a very strict environment. I read a lot of Pokémon fanfiction and I enjoyed looking at beautiful and awe inspiring art. But I also ran into a lot of things my parents should’ve been supervising. But you really couldn’t blame the parents when a dumbass kid learned how to use the internet and lie about their age.
I still remember the connections I made on this site. Not all of them, some are more prominent than others. And I just have mixed feeling about it at this point. I enjoyed having silly conversations, it made me feel more adult. But the way I was degraded and called stupid for things I “should’ve” known stuck with me. It fed my self-deprecating feelings. I’m really glad I never gave any personal information away, at least I was smart enough not to do that because yikes. I don’t interact with people on the internet like I used to here, and that’s honestly a good thing.
I definitely let a lot of my emotions out in this space. I experienced jealousy and envy for the first time, and I didn’t have an adult to guide me through it. I was a part of those ‘first’ish of my generation fandom wars and “anti” hate groups that targeted specific shippings that opposed mine for the naruto and Pokémon fandom. It was a lot of baiting and name calling, and generally immature behavior that I remember. YIKES. TRIPLE YIKES. I felt a lot of shame for it. I want to be better, I’ve been better, and I carry that into my interactions with fandom.
Around end of middle school to start of high school, I updated here less because I had real life responsibilities. I wasn’t thinking about my warrior cats x Pokémon AU fanfiction. And the guilt of not finishing them started to diminish when I realized that 1) I was writing for fun and if it’s not fun anymore, I can’t force myself to do it 2) I really didn’t have a clue where I was going with it lol, it was just for fun. It’s not exactly literature either considering it was written by a 12 year old. But I can look back on it and enjoy it for what it was, the start of my passion for art and writing.
Looking at this page as an adult, a college graduate who’s just starting a new job and new chapter in life, I have to let go of childish things. So I’m making this my final post. A journal of my experience on dA.
I started this account when I was 12.
Yes, a 12 year old who did not know better, because the internet was a new, exciting place where I could express myself when I lived in a very strict environment. I read a lot of Pokémon fanfiction and I enjoyed looking at beautiful and awe inspiring art. But I also ran into a lot of things my parents should’ve been supervising. But you really couldn’t blame the parents when a dumbass kid learned how to use the internet and lie about their age.
I still remember the connections I made on this site. Not all of them, some are more prominent than others. And I just have mixed feeling about it at this point. I enjoyed having silly conversations, it made me feel more adult. But the way I was degraded and called stupid for things I “should’ve” known stuck with me. It fed my self-deprecating feelings. I’m really glad I never gave any personal information away, at least I was smart enough not to do that because yikes. I don’t interact with people on the internet like I used to here, and that’s honestly a good thing.
I definitely let a lot of my emotions out in this space. I experienced jealousy and envy for the first time, and I didn’t have an adult to guide me through it. I was a part of those ‘first’ish of my generation fandom wars and “anti” hate groups that targeted specific shippings that opposed mine for the naruto and Pokémon fandom. It was a lot of baiting and name calling, and generally immature behavior that I remember. YIKES. TRIPLE YIKES. I felt a lot of shame for it. I want to be better, I’ve been better, and I carry that into my interactions with fandom.
Around end of middle school to start of high school, I updated here less because I had real life responsibilities. I wasn’t thinking about my warrior cats x Pokémon AU fanfiction. And the guilt of not finishing them started to diminish when I realized that 1) I was writing for fun and if it’s not fun anymore, I can’t force myself to do it 2) I really didn’t have a clue where I was going with it lol, it was just for fun. It’s not exactly literature either considering it was written by a 12 year old. But I can look back on it and enjoy it for what it was, the start of my passion for art and writing.
Looking at this page as an adult, a college graduate who’s just starting a new job and new chapter in life, I have to let go of childish things. So I’m making this my final post. A journal of my experience on dA.
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:B
1 min read
hi, I'm resurecting! Slowly... like the Doctor slowly regenerating and how I slowly fell into the trap which is My Little Ponies: Friendship is Magic. So I kinda forgot what dA was for, which is showcasing art, talking about art (and fandoms) and just having fun (with limited relationships). So yeah see ya, see me around, hope you don't resent me, and Gooodbyeeee 
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:B
1 min read
Hi, I'm resurrecting! slowly.. like the Doctor regenerating and how I slowly fell into the trap which is My Little Ponies: Friendship is Magic. I dunno, I guess I kinda didn't really know what dA was for, and it's for showcasing art and talking about art and having fun more than anything else :3 so yeah, see ya around and hope you see me around, and I hope you don't resent me and GOODBYEEEEEEE
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Long Time Absense
4 min read
I know very well that I've been neglecting dA for quite sometime now, and I'm sorry for those who I'm worrying. I'm still alive on this earth, just to let you know ^^ and if I ever do happen to leave this earth, I'll be sure to have a friend inform dA. But right now, I'm alive and well and living a life in school.
When I first came on deviantART, my initial thoughts were to get away from the world and try to live through the internet. I was only a child then, the typical weeaboo preteen who didn't have anything other than manga and animie and didn't appreciate the things in life. I am still a child, a teenager really. Yes, tag me as the rest of the teenagers who flood this site to fill their void in life. I've only started to look at the world now wanting it, craving to see the world, to meet people, to learn.
I used to hate school, but now I love it, the environment, the people. My own world has changed and it was because one day I woke up to wonder, what have I missed? Why didn't I do things with my friends? Why didn't I get involved with other people? I was scared of the world, scared to be rejected and I was downright unappreciative of what I had. I regret that. I regret that I couldn't be a better friend to people. I regret that I spent nights on dA complaining about how much my life sucked. (I regret that I was a weeaboo *gets shot*) I don't want to regret anymore. I'm happy to have met some wonderful people on dA.
I'm sorry I haven't been speaking to anyone besides the frequent "you're welcome" for favs. I've been contemplating, thinking, and living my life. I'll try to get a little more frequent on dA now. Maybe to go a on +FAV spree, cause I have not given up on manga or animie yet
(Just cause I'm living life, doesn't mean that I don't have my own guilty pleasures) Maybe I'll start posting the drawings I've done (because I have gotten better through the months) however... I don't know if I can continue writing fanfictions... I'm sorry. I've lost that spark. I'm not going to write fanfictions anymore... I'm going to write my own stories, with my own characters! The reason some of the stories may seem OOC is because they were initially for other characters I created to fit. The only reason I made fanfictions (was for my own guilty pleasure *gets shot again*) but to get advertisement. I know, I'm accusable to be in that kind of person at first. But I did enjoy writing, I enjoyed the feedback I got sometimes. I'm really happy to have some people here on dA, all have wonderful aspects to them. There is the only thing I regret about the long silence, I didn't get to talk to all of you. I'll keep drawing, I'll keep trying to get better, I'll appreciate all that is around me, I'll try to stay in touch with you all :3 Thank you for reading, and if you read this jumble of my words and mind, thank you very much, I hope this clears some things up. 
Carried from previous journal
Be one of the first 18 people commenting on this journal entry, and I will add you to the Featured List!
For each of the 18 first people answering this journal I will put his/her avatar and the three deviations I like most from his/her gallery on the list.
1.
- fav.me/d2vhnb9 fav.me/d31sq8d
2.
pegawolf.deviantart.com/art/ch… fav.me/d33ybij fav.me/d32kagg
3.
fav.me/d2g3guu fav.me/d21wcqf fav.me/d2f4wvf
4.
fav.me/d2wcqb0 fav.me/d2x8a0n fav.me/d2vy126
5.
fav.me/d33jd1o fav.me/d33jd9d fav.me/d33jdgw
6.
fav.me/d3fbn2s fav.me/d3fbmza fav.me/d3f8e32
When I first came on deviantART, my initial thoughts were to get away from the world and try to live through the internet. I was only a child then, the typical weeaboo preteen who didn't have anything other than manga and animie and didn't appreciate the things in life. I am still a child, a teenager really. Yes, tag me as the rest of the teenagers who flood this site to fill their void in life. I've only started to look at the world now wanting it, craving to see the world, to meet people, to learn.
I used to hate school, but now I love it, the environment, the people. My own world has changed and it was because one day I woke up to wonder, what have I missed? Why didn't I do things with my friends? Why didn't I get involved with other people? I was scared of the world, scared to be rejected and I was downright unappreciative of what I had. I regret that. I regret that I couldn't be a better friend to people. I regret that I spent nights on dA complaining about how much my life sucked. (I regret that I was a weeaboo *gets shot*) I don't want to regret anymore. I'm happy to have met some wonderful people on dA.
I'm sorry I haven't been speaking to anyone besides the frequent "you're welcome" for favs. I've been contemplating, thinking, and living my life. I'll try to get a little more frequent on dA now. Maybe to go a on +FAV spree, cause I have not given up on manga or animie yet
(Just cause I'm living life, doesn't mean that I don't have my own guilty pleasures) Maybe I'll start posting the drawings I've done (because I have gotten better through the months) however... I don't know if I can continue writing fanfictions... I'm sorry. I've lost that spark. I'm not going to write fanfictions anymore... I'm going to write my own stories, with my own characters! The reason some of the stories may seem OOC is because they were initially for other characters I created to fit. The only reason I made fanfictions (was for my own guilty pleasure *gets shot again*) but to get advertisement. I know, I'm accusable to be in that kind of person at first. But I did enjoy writing, I enjoyed the feedback I got sometimes. I'm really happy to have some people here on dA, all have wonderful aspects to them. There is the only thing I regret about the long silence, I didn't get to talk to all of you. I'll keep drawing, I'll keep trying to get better, I'll appreciate all that is around me, I'll try to stay in touch with you all :3 Thank you for reading, and if you read this jumble of my words and mind, thank you very much, I hope this clears some things up. Carried from previous journal
Be one of the first 18 people commenting on this journal entry, and I will add you to the Featured List!
For each of the 18 first people answering this journal I will put his/her avatar and the three deviations I like most from his/her gallery on the list.
1.
- fav.me/d2vhnb9 fav.me/d31sq8d 2.
pegawolf.deviantart.com/art/ch… fav.me/d33ybij fav.me/d32kagg3.
fav.me/d2g3guu fav.me/d21wcqf fav.me/d2f4wvf4.
fav.me/d2wcqb0 fav.me/d2x8a0n fav.me/d2vy1265.
fav.me/d33jd1o fav.me/d33jd9d fav.me/d33jdgw6.
fav.me/d3fbn2s fav.me/d3fbmza fav.me/d3f8e32
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Long Time Absense
4 min read
I know very well that I've been neglecting dA for quite sometime now, and I'm sorry for those who I'm worrying. I'm still alive on this earth, just to let you know ^^ and if I ever do happen to leave this earth, I'll be sure to have a friend inform dA. But right now, I'm alive and well and living a life in school.
When I first came on deviantART, my initial thoughts were to get away from the world and try to live through the internet. I was only a child then, the typical weeaboo preteen who didn't have anything other than manga and animie and didn't appreciate the things in life. I am still a child, a teenager really. Yes, tag me as the rest of the teenagers who flood this site to fill their void in life. I've only started to look at the world now wanting it, craving to see the world, to meet people, to learn.
I used to hate school, but now I love it, the environment, the people. My own world has changed and it was because one day I woke up to wonder, what have I missed? Why didn't I do things with my friends? Why didn't I get involved with other people? I was scared of the world, scared to be rejected and I was downright unappreciative of what I had. I regret that. I regret that I couldn't be a better friend to people. I regret that I spent nights on dA complaining about how much my life sucked. (I regret that I was a weeaboo *gets shot*) I don't want to regret anymore. I'm happy to have met some wonderful people on dA.
I'm sorry I haven't been speaking to anyone besides the frequent "you're welcome" for favs. I've been contemplating, thinking, and living my life. I'll try to get a little more frequent on dA now. Maybe to go a on +FAV spree, cause I have not given up on manga or animie yet (Just cause I'm living life, doesn't mean that I don't have my own guilty pleasures) Maybe I'll start posting the drawings I've done (because I have gotten better through the months) however... I don't know if I can continue writing fanfictions... I'm sorry. I've lost that spark. I'm not going to write fanfictions anymore... I'm going to write my own stories, with my own characters! The reason some of the stories may seem OOC is because they were initially for other characters I created to fit. The only reason I made fanfictions (was for my own guilty pleasure *gets shot again*) but to get advertisement. I know, I'm accusable to be in that kind of person at first. But I did enjoy writing, I enjoyed the feedback I got sometimes. I'm really happy to have some people here on dA, all have wonderful aspects to them. There is the only thing I regret about the long silence, I didn't get to talk to all of you. I'll keep drawing, I'll keep trying to get better, I'll appreciate all that is around me, I'll try to stay in touch with you all :3 Thank you for reading, and if you read this jumble of my words and mind, thank you very much, I hope this clears some things up.
Carried from previous journal
Be one of the first 18 people commenting on this journal entry, and I will add you to the Featured List!
For each of the 18 first people answering this journal I will put his/her avatar and the three deviations I like most from his/her gallery on the list.
1.- fav.me/d2vhnb9 fav.me/d31sq8d
2. pegawolf.deviantart.com/art/ch… fav.me/d33ybij fav.me/d32kagg
3. fav.me/d2g3guu fav.me/d21wcqf fav.me/d2f4wvf
4. fav.me/d2wcqb0 fav.me/d2x8a0n fav.me/d2vy126
5. fav.me/d33jd1o fav.me/d33jd9d fav.me/d33jdgw
6. fav.me/d3fbn2s fav.me/d3fbmza fav.me/d3f8e32
When I first came on deviantART, my initial thoughts were to get away from the world and try to live through the internet. I was only a child then, the typical weeaboo preteen who didn't have anything other than manga and animie and didn't appreciate the things in life. I am still a child, a teenager really. Yes, tag me as the rest of the teenagers who flood this site to fill their void in life. I've only started to look at the world now wanting it, craving to see the world, to meet people, to learn.
I used to hate school, but now I love it, the environment, the people. My own world has changed and it was because one day I woke up to wonder, what have I missed? Why didn't I do things with my friends? Why didn't I get involved with other people? I was scared of the world, scared to be rejected and I was downright unappreciative of what I had. I regret that. I regret that I couldn't be a better friend to people. I regret that I spent nights on dA complaining about how much my life sucked. (I regret that I was a weeaboo *gets shot*) I don't want to regret anymore. I'm happy to have met some wonderful people on dA.
I'm sorry I haven't been speaking to anyone besides the frequent "you're welcome" for favs. I've been contemplating, thinking, and living my life. I'll try to get a little more frequent on dA now. Maybe to go a on +FAV spree, cause I have not given up on manga or animie yet
(Just cause I'm living life, doesn't mean that I don't have my own guilty pleasures) Maybe I'll start posting the drawings I've done (because I have gotten better through the months) however... I don't know if I can continue writing fanfictions... I'm sorry. I've lost that spark. I'm not going to write fanfictions anymore... I'm going to write my own stories, with my own characters! The reason some of the stories may seem OOC is because they were initially for other characters I created to fit. The only reason I made fanfictions (was for my own guilty pleasure *gets shot again*) but to get advertisement. I know, I'm accusable to be in that kind of person at first. But I did enjoy writing, I enjoyed the feedback I got sometimes. I'm really happy to have some people here on dA, all have wonderful aspects to them. There is the only thing I regret about the long silence, I didn't get to talk to all of you. I'll keep drawing, I'll keep trying to get better, I'll appreciate all that is around me, I'll try to stay in touch with you all :3 Thank you for reading, and if you read this jumble of my words and mind, thank you very much, I hope this clears some things up. Carried from previous journal
Be one of the first 18 people commenting on this journal entry, and I will add you to the Featured List!
For each of the 18 first people answering this journal I will put his/her avatar and the three deviations I like most from his/her gallery on the list.
1.
- fav.me/d2vhnb9 fav.me/d31sq8d 2.
pegawolf.deviantart.com/art/ch… fav.me/d33ybij fav.me/d32kagg3.
fav.me/d2g3guu fav.me/d21wcqf fav.me/d2f4wvf4.
fav.me/d2wcqb0 fav.me/d2x8a0n fav.me/d2vy1265.
fav.me/d33jd1o fav.me/d33jd9d fav.me/d33jdgw6.
fav.me/d3fbn2s fav.me/d3fbmza fav.me/d3f8e32
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In