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Literature Text
May's POV
"Wow, no matter how many times I come here, I still get chills." I've been going to the Petalburg woods since I was just a toddler, yet…" I shivered. I really shouldn't be afraid anymore. Might as well enjoy it now before it's ruined... again. I let my brunette hair fall to my shoulders and lay down sprawled behind my head.
Movement went around me, probably just little Pokémon, Then I sense a strange movement that didn't feel safe like a Pokémon's. "Who's there?" I turned frantically. Freaking out I ran as fast as I could with an adrenalin rush running in my veins.
This was just like the experience I had when I was five. I was running from a large group of Spinarack. Now, I'm just running because i was spooked. I had run, than tripped. the Spinarack just gone over me as if they themselves were scared. I had tried to get up, but I had hurt my ankle very badly so i couldn't even get up without pain surging through my leg. then... I don't know what happened after that only that i ended up on the outskirts of Petalburg with my leg completely healed.
"WWHHAA!" I fell over a very large out-stretched root. "Ah, Crap." Looks like I'm repeating history from years ago. "HELP!" I yelled "Someone HELP!" No replies "SOS! Hello... Anyone?" This is useless. I'm too deep in the forest for anyone to hear me.
I got up and started crawling to a rock. "What did I do to my ankle?" I took off my red shoe to show a swollen right ankle. "Stupid…"
"Spinarack?" a little green spider-like Pokemon approached me.
"AHHH!" After the incident, I'm still scared of Spinaracks. It jumped from my strange outburst, then scurried away.
"Phew." Now what am I going to do with my ankle? "I could have used the Spinarack's web to cast it... Aww!" I sigh in exasperation. Suddenly I hear a small sound from behind. More chills ran down my spine. I have to get out of here! I try to limp as fast as I can, BUT No! I trip! and fall! and hit my head on a very tiny rock.
"Whaa?" Waking up in a nice comfy bed gives you the impression of 'im in my room, it was just a dream' but the room was different and even the smells were odd. This is definitely not my room, it's too 1900's.
"Where am I? Oww." I rub the back of my head to feel a small bump in my messed up hair. "Hey, where's my headband?" Is that all I care about right now?
Maybe this house belongs to my rescuer. I perked up at the thought. Maybe it's a really cute guy...Then again, it could be some nice old couple like the one at the Poké day care that saw me on the ground.
"Ha. So much for that night in shining armor." I giggle. But something that's worth to be spooked about was in the room.
"CasnsnhnhhyououououououoosshhhhhhheeeeeMaeaeaeaesssssss." An ominous whisper filled the room.
"Who's?" I hide under the covers. Then my right shoulder was shoved towards the wall on side of the bed. "Who's-Who's" Now my left. "I'm-Who's" My Shoulders were pinned against the wall and were locked there. "Who's there?! Answer me!"
all of a sudden a cold, yet swift and soothing pressure pressed against my forehead. I was locked there in a trans until a shadow of a body appeared before me and all the warmth disappeared. The Shadow soon toke form of a boy maybe even my age. Before I could see his face, shock overwhelmed me. I was paralyzed on the spot, eyes shut tight, teeth and hands tightly clenched as if anticipating pain. But none came. I opened my eyes. With a quick snap of his fingers I drooped my head and fell on the pillow fast asleep.
"Wow, no matter how many times I come here, I still get chills." I've been going to the Petalburg woods since I was just a toddler, yet…" I shivered. I really shouldn't be afraid anymore. Might as well enjoy it now before it's ruined... again. I let my brunette hair fall to my shoulders and lay down sprawled behind my head.
Movement went around me, probably just little Pokémon, Then I sense a strange movement that didn't feel safe like a Pokémon's. "Who's there?" I turned frantically. Freaking out I ran as fast as I could with an adrenalin rush running in my veins.
This was just like the experience I had when I was five. I was running from a large group of Spinarack. Now, I'm just running because i was spooked. I had run, than tripped. the Spinarack just gone over me as if they themselves were scared. I had tried to get up, but I had hurt my ankle very badly so i couldn't even get up without pain surging through my leg. then... I don't know what happened after that only that i ended up on the outskirts of Petalburg with my leg completely healed.
"WWHHAA!" I fell over a very large out-stretched root. "Ah, Crap." Looks like I'm repeating history from years ago. "HELP!" I yelled "Someone HELP!" No replies "SOS! Hello... Anyone?" This is useless. I'm too deep in the forest for anyone to hear me.
I got up and started crawling to a rock. "What did I do to my ankle?" I took off my red shoe to show a swollen right ankle. "Stupid…"
"Spinarack?" a little green spider-like Pokemon approached me.
"AHHH!" After the incident, I'm still scared of Spinaracks. It jumped from my strange outburst, then scurried away.
"Phew." Now what am I going to do with my ankle? "I could have used the Spinarack's web to cast it... Aww!" I sigh in exasperation. Suddenly I hear a small sound from behind. More chills ran down my spine. I have to get out of here! I try to limp as fast as I can, BUT No! I trip! and fall! and hit my head on a very tiny rock.
"Whaa?" Waking up in a nice comfy bed gives you the impression of 'im in my room, it was just a dream' but the room was different and even the smells were odd. This is definitely not my room, it's too 1900's.
"Where am I? Oww." I rub the back of my head to feel a small bump in my messed up hair. "Hey, where's my headband?" Is that all I care about right now?
Maybe this house belongs to my rescuer. I perked up at the thought. Maybe it's a really cute guy...Then again, it could be some nice old couple like the one at the Poké day care that saw me on the ground.
"Ha. So much for that night in shining armor." I giggle. But something that's worth to be spooked about was in the room.
"CasnsnhnhhyououououououoosshhhhhhheeeeeMaeaeaeaesssssss." An ominous whisper filled the room.
"Who's?" I hide under the covers. Then my right shoulder was shoved towards the wall on side of the bed. "Who's-Who's" Now my left. "I'm-Who's" My Shoulders were pinned against the wall and were locked there. "Who's there?! Answer me!"
all of a sudden a cold, yet swift and soothing pressure pressed against my forehead. I was locked there in a trans until a shadow of a body appeared before me and all the warmth disappeared. The Shadow soon toke form of a boy maybe even my age. Before I could see his face, shock overwhelmed me. I was paralyzed on the spot, eyes shut tight, teeth and hands tightly clenched as if anticipating pain. But none came. I opened my eyes. With a quick snap of his fingers I drooped my head and fell on the pillow fast asleep.
OK from the noob of before; I've tried to revamp this one XD It looks so stupid to me, but after a lot of tweeking and stuff, It seems presentable
Sorry to cause you so much trouble 
Sorry to cause you so much trouble © 2009 - 2024 Eveeevee
Comments11
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Make sure you capitalize your sentences, please. And all of your i's. It's really annoying when i see someone who doesn't capitalize their i's. i don't likeses it. <.< And yes, i didn't capitalize those two i's on purpose. And i meant to type "likeses".
Write out your numbers. Instead of putting "9", put "nine". This isn't a pet peeve thing; it's a rule.
Don't put your actions *like this*. It's unprofessional and makes people think of scripts. As this is definitely not in script form, I suggest you write out something like, "I shivered".
Sp. "burnette" should be "brunette".
"Movement went around me"? This is kind of awkward. I'd suggest "There were movements all around me" instead.
"...probably just little Pokemon, Then I sence..."
This should be two sentences. If it was meant to be two sentences but you accidentally typed a comma, you should go back and edit these more. Also, it should be "sense", not "sence".
"...that didn't feel safe like a Pokemon's."
Again, awkward. Maybe "...I sensed a strange movement, one with a feeling unlike the familiar ones of Pokemon."
Sp. "Spinarak", not "Spinarack".
Wrong usage of "than". "Then" is the one that talks about time (and the one you should have used). "Than" is used to compare things.
Sp. "Outskirts" instead of "outskirsts" and "replies" instead of "replys". Also, include a period after "replies".
"swollen, right ankle" shouldn't have a comma. You should only place commas when there're more than two adjectives.
Sp. Accidentally typed "valso" instead of "also". I believe that it's "frick" instead of "frik", but since this is an informal swear word, I guess it doesn't really matter. However, in my own experience it's always been "frick".
"...my instincts told me to run. I follow it." Wait. So is she following one instinct or all of them? Make sure that you get your plurals in line.
"BUT No!" Why the emphasis on "but"? I'd think that it would be on "no" instead. "No" shouldn't be capitalized, either, since it's the second word in that sentence. Also, if you want to add emphasis you can use italics instead of capitals. It's less of an annoyance.
"im in my room" should have an apostrophe in "im". Otherwise no one can tell if you're saying "IM" as in "Instant Messenger" or "I'm" as in "I am".
Sp. Change "diffrent" to "different" and "definetly" to "definitely".
What do you mean by "too 1900"? Please explain this a bit more to your readers. I don't think they'll all understand it. Oh, and you forgot to type a period at the end of that sentence, too.
"...to feel a small bump and my hair a little messed up." Awkward again. Maybe "to feel a small bump. To my surprise, my slightly mussed hair was missing its usual bandanna."
Yes, the word is supposed to be "mussed", and May wears a bandanna, not a headband.
A night in shining armor? I've never seen nights in armor, but I've seen knights in armor.
What tense are you writing this in? Present tense or past tense? You keep on switching around.
"...something that's worth to be spooked about was in the room." Awkward once again. "But there was something in the room that would soon spook me out of my cheeriness." Eh... that's kind of awkward, too... <.<
Is the whisper supposed to be understandable to your readers? I honestly can't understand it.
You use "shoved" a bit too much. It sounds very unprofessional when you use the same word over and over. You could try "slam" or "push" or some other synonym. Also, you say that her right shoulder and then her left shoulder were shoved to the wall, but then after that you say that they were both shoved to the wall. Are you saying that they were pulled back and then pushed to the wall again, or are you just restating it? I'd suggest not restating it.
I don't think a "feel" can press against something. You can say that something cool pressed against her forehead, but not a cool "feel". A feel isn't a physical thing, after all.
Sp. "Trans" to "trance".
"Toke" to "took".
"Faint"? I suggest saying "shock overwhelmed me, and I fainted."
Write out your numbers. Instead of putting "9", put "nine". This isn't a pet peeve thing; it's a rule.
Don't put your actions *like this*. It's unprofessional and makes people think of scripts. As this is definitely not in script form, I suggest you write out something like, "I shivered".
Sp. "burnette" should be "brunette".
"Movement went around me"? This is kind of awkward. I'd suggest "There were movements all around me" instead.
"...probably just little Pokemon, Then I sence..."
This should be two sentences. If it was meant to be two sentences but you accidentally typed a comma, you should go back and edit these more. Also, it should be "sense", not "sence".
"...that didn't feel safe like a Pokemon's."
Again, awkward. Maybe "...I sensed a strange movement, one with a feeling unlike the familiar ones of Pokemon."
Sp. "Spinarak", not "Spinarack".
Wrong usage of "than". "Then" is the one that talks about time (and the one you should have used). "Than" is used to compare things.
Sp. "Outskirts" instead of "outskirsts" and "replies" instead of "replys". Also, include a period after "replies".
"swollen, right ankle" shouldn't have a comma. You should only place commas when there're more than two adjectives.
Sp. Accidentally typed "valso" instead of "also". I believe that it's "frick" instead of "frik", but since this is an informal swear word, I guess it doesn't really matter. However, in my own experience it's always been "frick".
"...my instincts told me to run. I follow it." Wait. So is she following one instinct or all of them? Make sure that you get your plurals in line.
"BUT No!" Why the emphasis on "but"? I'd think that it would be on "no" instead. "No" shouldn't be capitalized, either, since it's the second word in that sentence. Also, if you want to add emphasis you can use italics instead of capitals. It's less of an annoyance.
"im in my room" should have an apostrophe in "im". Otherwise no one can tell if you're saying "IM" as in "Instant Messenger" or "I'm" as in "I am".
Sp. Change "diffrent" to "different" and "definetly" to "definitely".
What do you mean by "too 1900"? Please explain this a bit more to your readers. I don't think they'll all understand it. Oh, and you forgot to type a period at the end of that sentence, too.
"...to feel a small bump and my hair a little messed up." Awkward again. Maybe "to feel a small bump. To my surprise, my slightly mussed hair was missing its usual bandanna."
Yes, the word is supposed to be "mussed", and May wears a bandanna, not a headband.
A night in shining armor? I've never seen nights in armor, but I've seen knights in armor.
What tense are you writing this in? Present tense or past tense? You keep on switching around.
"...something that's worth to be spooked about was in the room." Awkward once again. "But there was something in the room that would soon spook me out of my cheeriness." Eh... that's kind of awkward, too... <.<
Is the whisper supposed to be understandable to your readers? I honestly can't understand it.
You use "shoved" a bit too much. It sounds very unprofessional when you use the same word over and over. You could try "slam" or "push" or some other synonym. Also, you say that her right shoulder and then her left shoulder were shoved to the wall, but then after that you say that they were both shoved to the wall. Are you saying that they were pulled back and then pushed to the wall again, or are you just restating it? I'd suggest not restating it.
I don't think a "feel" can press against something. You can say that something cool pressed against her forehead, but not a cool "feel". A feel isn't a physical thing, after all.
Sp. "Trans" to "trance".
"Toke" to "took".
"Faint"? I suggest saying "shock overwhelmed me, and I fainted."